But that didn’t happen. I kept running.
A week after my injury erupted, I should have sat on the bench for the Women’s Half Marathon. Despite running PRs at the Jingle Bell 5k and the Say No to Drugs 10k, my injury wasn’t feeling any better. You would think that I would call it quits, but I began training for yet another race – the Gasparilla 15k. And let’s not even talk about the 5k that was nothing more than an expensive jog a few weeks ago.
Nearly 6 months later, I still haven’t stopped.
I’ve seen numerous doctors, chiropractors and massage therapist. I’ve had x-rays and an MRI. I’ve been in physical therapy for months now. Although I’m happy to report that my piriformis/sciatic/leg feels much, much better, I still feel shots of discomfort that is not normal. When I go to bed at night, my left leg aches.
My running game is not improving right now. My physical injury is not helping matters, but my attitude towards the sport is also limiting my progress.
It is break time.
Recently, my friend Ed sent me this link to an article called “You know that shit you hate.” I’ve always subscribed to the philosophy that “I just want to be happy.” That has been my goal – personally and professionally. When I’m happy, I can influence other people to be happy.
After some disappointing races (well, duh! What do I expect, I’m injured), I decided to hire a Tri coach, thinking I wasn’t giving it my all and maybe a coach could help me train better. I’ve been following his plan, 2/3 of which I enjoy. Those running days though, I loathe. I try to switch things up, head to a pretty spot to run, and hope I all of a sudden fall in love with it again. I was running on Davis Island and found myself thinking, “I hate this.” I kept going though till my garmin read 6 miles – not because I enjoyed it, but because that is what my training plan asked of me.
The next night I saw my coach at swim practice. When he asked how my run went, I replied, “eh.” I’m sure he could sense how I was feeling. My coach immediately responded. “Take the next week off of running.”
It was like I was pushing him to that point, but I didn’t want to pull the plug for fear of letting him down. For fear of letting myself down.
In the article “You know the shit you hate,” this quote really sums things up
So, you know all that shit you hate doing? Stop it. Life is going to be okay, but not until you grant yourself permission to stop, because no one will grant it to you.
So, it’s break time. I’ve been in denial. It is time I be real with myself about my injury and my redefine my goals. It is time that I let myself be free of rigid training plans and competition of something that I’m not enjoying right now.
That stuff will always be there.
I’d rather be happy.