Rules of Travel

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1. If you are seated in the bulkhead seat (aka there is a wall in front of you) then your bag goes in the overhead bin NOT under your seat (which is my leg room Miss Pink Zebra bag)

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2. Board when your zone is called.  Generally those requiring assistance board first, then first class, then those who fly a lot with some sort of status like gold or platinum medallion, and then the rest of the plane normally from the back to the front (except Southwest where you line up based on when you checked in).  So Mr. Fanny Pack with you drivers license around your neck, unless you need to be pushed down the ramp in a wheelchair, kindly step aside. I’d like to have my free cocktail. I’ve earned it.

3. Share the arm rest.  Half  is mine. End of story.

4. Stay in your seat.  I paid for mine – the whole thing. A seat that I can comfortably sit in and face forward. Not one where I’m forced to turn my body ever so slightly and get a god-awful neck cramp while attempting to read my book. Unless you are a massage therapist willing to work out the kinks, move the F-over.

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5. If you snore either invest in some breathe right strips or don’t snooze on the flight. You are making it REALLY hard for me to enjoy this book. In fact, I’m about to go ape-shit on you (but I fear we could be staying at the same hotel in our small town destination).

6. Delta’s Biscoff cookies are VEGAN, yum-o, and I’m sure really bad for you (especially when you eat enough for yourself and your snoring seat buddy).

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7. If your flight is late or cancelled for any reason causing you to miss a connection, call the airline’s customer service number to get re-booked and find out your options. I generally do this while stuck on the airplane once I’ve realized the bathroom door isn’t getting fixed; therefore, the plane can’t take off. Don’t deplane and wait in line with the 50 other schmucks who are hoping for the last seat on the same flight you want. Beat them to it baby.

8. If flight attendant Tom did a stellar job getting you comfortably to Hot-Lanta, let him AND the airline know by writing their customer service. Find the contact link on their website.

9. Alternatively, if the airline royally screwed up, tell ’em. They might not be able to fix it right then and there, but they could hook you up with some frequent flyer miles or I’ve even been sent some cash-money to ease the pain. The key here is mechanical errors. You totally have the upper hand in any complaint. (Now, if Mother Nature isn’t cooperative, you don’t have a leg to stand on.)

10. Finally, crying to a Red Coat to get you to your destination on time because you overslept doesn’t work. I’ve tried.

This post comes to you from a coffee shop in the super cute Heights neighborhood in Little Rock, Arkansas.  This place is pretty cool.

I’m going to The House for din-din.  I tried to go for lunch, but their brunch menu wasn’t vegan friendly (though the bartender really tried to work with me…. on an omelet dish.  No real way to make eggs vegan buddy! But I appreciate the effort.)  I heard there is a hippy burger on their dinner menu.  Yum.

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5 Comments

Filed under Travel

5 responses to “Rules of Travel

  1. FUnny! You have my sympathy. The zebra bag especially cracked me up.

  2. Excellent post. How about the dipshits who put their seat back 10 nanoseconds after boarding the plane? Hello? Can I at least sit down before you begin making yourself comfortable? And, oh yeah, I forgot…you can’t even do that until we take off!

  3. Love! ❤ I have flown 11,000 miles in the past week, this REALLY resonates with me right now!

  4. My husband should read that part about arm rest sharing! (And keeping his shoulders in his own seat for that matter!) I constantly find myself sitting down by him and doing the splay out as broadly as possible maneuver trying to snag every last inch of the space that is rightfully mine. 🙂

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